1/4. Normal people are at their happiest on holidays, but for grumpy people, a holiday is just another of life's many disappointments. There's so much to depress you: the weather's never right; the hotel room's walls are too thin; and worst of all - there are hundreds of other holidaymakers all getting on your nerves. With contributions from, among others, Arthur Smith, Jenny Eclair, Nigel Slater, Sheila Hancock, Stuart Maconie, Rhona Cameron, Linda Robson and Stephanie Beacham.

Entertainment: Grumpy Old Holidays 10.00pm BBC2

Travel doesn't broaden the mind, according to these old grumblies, who have no problem venting their spleen on the subject of holidays: everything from the trauma of packing to the ritual of airport security checks and the horror that is other holiday-makers.
They're so vitriolic, you wonder why they bother trying to get away from it all - especially when there's a flight involved. Apart from Michael Winner, of course, because he recommends hiring your own jet (a mere £18,000 for a round trip to the south of France) or, on long-haul trips, "suffering bravely" in first class. Those of us in "cattle class" may prefer Jane Moore's suggestion that airlines should measure a traveller's bottom in the same way they measure their hand luggage to make sure it's not too big to fit on board. JR