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Dave Podmore: History of the Ashes in 100 Objects

Comedy: Spoof

15/11/2010

History of the Ashes in 100 Objects

BBC Radio 4 Extra - Dave Podmore, History of the Ashes in 100 Objects

England's laziest cricketer compiles his inimitable history of the Ashes.

Can England's laziest cricketer manage to collect his '100 Objects' for the BBC? Stars Christopher Douglas. From November 2010.

Andy and Pod begin their quest to compile 'Pod's History of the Ashes in 100 Objects' at the British Museum where they meet Neil MacGregor and the lady who yodels at the beginning of the Radio 4 programme. 

Pod only agrees to continue with Andy's show on the condition he gets to visit Oz and win his attractive wife Jaqcui back from the hairy arms of an Aussie cricketer. On the flight Down Under, Pod shows Andy the historically significant 69 tins of Fosters with which he's just set the all-time England-to-Australia-beer-drinking record.

They visit the Brisbane Museum of Cricket where they see the very phone directory Shane Warne used to call up nurses at the Brisbane School of Nursing. Pod and Andy then accidentally create a diplomatic incident by letting slip that both Heartbeat and The Bill have been cancelled in the UK, devastating Australian TV schedules for decades. 

This upsets the Aussie cricket team who are trying to warm up at the first Ashes Test Match in Brisbane, with the encouragement of a team of cheerleaders led by none other than Pod's wife Jacqui. Pod notes that the pile of vomit he left on the outfield in 1989 is still there and suggests it to Andy as one of the 100 objects, although to be honest he's more interested in the odds that a local bookie is offering on the chances of him and Jacqui getting back together.

Pod persuades Jacqui to take him back as the winnings on the bet he's just placed will more than make up for his shortcomings as a lover, a man and a human being.

Andy reluctantly returns to England having failed almost completely in the task to collect 100 objects but with a £50 note as his cut of Pod's gambling winnings. 

Written by Christopher Douglas, Andrew Nickolds and Nick Newman

Producer: Monica Long
A Hat Trick Production for BBC Radio 4.

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