Amanda and Helen both chose to adopt but, as the adoption progressed and became more and more difficult, they both made very different choices about how to deal with an increasingly desperate situation.

A single mum, Amanda adopted her daughter when she was five years old. She had already had several emergency removals from her birth parents. After Amanda adopted her, the child had huge struggles with behaviour and with the school system in particular. Amanda could not get the help she needed and came close to breaking point, so she decided to make a radical choice and begin again. She sold her house and moved with her daughter to the countryside. There, they embarked on a new life of home-schooling, more freedom, and spending a lot of time out in the open air.

Helen and her husband already had two birth children when they decided to adopt their daughter. The girl came to them as a baby, severely neglected. They nurtured her, but by the time she was approaching secondary school age, the daughter’s behaviour plummeted. She started stealing and lying, and was often extremely angry and destructive. What assistance they had from social services, psychologists and others proved of little use. The family’s situation continued to deteriorate. Then, when her daughter was 16, Helen finally felt forced to make the hardest decision of her life - to end the adoption and give her daughter back.

What were the consequences of their very different decisions? And how is life looking for them now, and for their respective daughters?

Amanda and Helen share their stories with Catherine Carr, and exchange gifts which shed light on their own stories and will, they hope, have meaning for the other person.

Presenter: Catherine Carr
Producer: Tom Woolfenden
Executive Producer: Kirsten Lass
A Loftus Media production for BBC Radio 4 Show less