The Garden Spider played by Amanda Root and the Great Pond Snail played by James Fleet, reveal the truth about life in a garden pond, in the last of three very funny tales, written and introduced by Lynne Truss, with sound recordings by Chris Watson and Tom Lawrence.

Hidden amongst the tall vegetation beside the pond the Garden Spider muses on her life. She suffers from arachnophobia. She note only dislikes, but fears the sight of herself; so much so that she only emerges under the cover of darkness to spin her web. She is not alone if finding her appearance quite hideous, she recalls a wasp who even as she wrapped him silk shuddered at the sight of her, rather than save his own life! Her musings are interrupted when she discovers another spider in her web; a visitor to the neighbourhood, a male, who instead of being frightened by her appearance finds her most attractive. Is her luck about to change?

The Great Pond Snail glides over the vegetation on his trail of slime, cleaning up as he goes. He's appalled when he sees evidence that another pond sail has not done the same. Great Pond Snails are excellent recyclers, even cleaning up their own waste matter. Our Snail takes great pleasure in this fact "But I'm not saying this makes us some sort of paragon. Just different". There's no getting away from it, he is self-righteous and judgmental but under the guise of political correctness. His only pleasure comes from slime. "My girlfriend used to say that my slime ropes were my best feature" he boasts. And on this subject, he has little time for the human race "All this modern talk of energy efficiency ... and you can't even be bothered to learn how to make slime". And don't get him started on sex and gender roles!

Producer Sarah Blunt. Show less