Some sanctuary from the World Cup on BBC FOUR? Not a chance.

But wait, there is actually very little football in this archive romp around the periphery of the four-yearly global jamboree. Danny Baker mulls over all the attendant hoopla, rigmarole, folderol and palaver that comes with this most mammoth of modern circuses.

Mascots! Managers! Fans! Tickets! Endless hours of TV padding! Creepy Kevin Keegan dolls! The tragic death of Pickles the Dog! That sort of thing. Show less