Millport's under siege by the neighbouring islands, furious that this little insignificant town has its own independent public house.

Amidst the madness Irene and Moira find romance where they least expect it - and Alberto unveils an unusual secret defence system.

Bittersweet comedy written by and starring Lynn Ferguson.

Barmaid Irene Bruce is 30-something and hankering after a better life on the mainland.

Irene ...... Lynn Ferguson
Moira/Agnes ...... Janet Brown
Alberto/Dr Hume/Robert the Dog/Mr Shetland /Mr Sky ...... Lewis McLeod
Ena/Bunty ...... Gabriel Quigley
Minister/Bob/Mr Dunoon/Mr Orkney ...... Robert Patterson
Dougie/Mr Arran ...... Kenneth Bryans

Producer: Lucy Bacon

First broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in November 2002. Show less